Note to the landlady: Fix the shower and deal with the crickets

My landlord better get her boxing gloves out, because I'm set to do battle with her tomorrow morning. A battle over a clogged shower and insects, specifically spiders and crickets.

Where do I start? A month ago, I politely asked the landlady if someone could either stop by my apartment and unclogged my shower drain or if someone could show me what to do. That was probably my first mistake, offering to do it myself, because my landlady tried to explain what I needed to do to unclog the shower. It involved twisting part of the drain with a wrench and prying another part of the drain with a screwdriver. Ummm, OK. So I tried. I really did. And my Mom tried. No luck.

Last week when I dropped my rent off, I told the landlady, "Look, I tried doing what you told me to do, but it didn't work. I'm not handy and will never be handy. Could you just send someone over?" She gave me this nasty little smile and said something about how it's useful to be handy. Yeah, whatever lady. Remember that rent check I just gave you? That money not only allows me to live here, but also gives me the option to be unhandy, since there's a maintenance man whose supposed to be handy FOR me!

She kept the smirk on her face as she filled out a maintenance request. "Tub plugged." I left, thinking in a matter of a day or two I'd be able to take a shower without the water collecting so that it's above my ankles after 10 minutes.

But guess what. It's Monday night, as in tomorrow it will have been a week and my shower? It's still clogged. Actually it's worse. After I take my 10 minute shower in the morning, it now takes over an hour to completely drain. And it's nasty looking. And starting to smell a bit. And my feet? I don't think they've truly been "clean" since this whole ordeal started. And that's kind of gross.

So that's battle one. I want my shower fixed. And I want it fixed now. I've lost all patience.

Battle two? The insects.

I don't like bugs. I never have. But I will kill them...if I have to. In this apartment? I've had to. It started in the spring, with some spiders that managed to get into my apartment. But as much as I don't like bugs, I could handle the spiders. Just grab a napkin and scoop them up. I usually didn't squish them, opting for the flushing route instead.

But it's now August. Meaning those smallish spiders that were getting in in May? They're getting pretty big now. But I'm still able to employ the scoop and flush method.

The bigger problem is the new insect that I've been finding in my apartment. Crickets. Yes folks, you read that right, I've got crickets in my apartment. OK, so it's only been 2 crickets, but still it's a cricket!

The first one was huge! I was watching TV in the dark one night and noticed a dark spot on my carpeting. Thinking it was a spider, I got up and turned on the lights so I could go grab the necessary napkin for the scoop and flush method. Imagine my surprise when I saw it wasn't a spider but a big old fat black cricket. I panicked. How did this cricket get into my apartment? The only thing I can think of was that the Rugrats were there that day and maybe he jumped on in the door when the Middle Child was holding the door open. But it doesn't matter how he got in. Because it was the biggest cricket I've ever seen in my life. And did I mention he was sitting in my living room? I grabbed the napkin and scooped and ran to the bathroom, careful not to put too much pressure on it because I could only imagine the amount of guts in a cricket that size. I flushed. He was gone. End of story.

Or so I thought.

I took a quick shower tonight cause I was sweaty and gross after a bike ride. Nothing was new. The shower was still clogged. Except when I get out, I notice this black thing on my floor by sink. Dripping wet, I grabbed for my towel and realized it wasn't a spider but another cricket! Another one! My windows haven't been open in over a week! How'd that little bugger get in? And more importantly, how long had he been in my apartment? Because he must have been there a little while for him to make it all the way to the bathroom! I tried to dry off quickly, all the while hoping the cricket would stay in one place. He did. I went to scoop him up into the wad of toilet paper, but he jumped away! So there I am, semi-dry, in a towel, chasing after a cricket in my bathroom. I finally got him though and flushed. And he's gone.

So tomorrow, the landlord is going to hear about my dissatisfaction because my shower's still clogged after a week and the fact that I have crickets jumping around in my apartment. Hopefully by this time tomorrow, my shower will be fixed and the crickets will be living where they're supposed to be...outside.