Just for kicks

Just because I find it humorous and I referenced it in my last post, here's the guest column that my work generated back in 2002.

Lyrics are crude in more ways than one (May 18, 2002)
By Gay Davidson-Zielske
Last Sunday - Mother's Day - I was lounging in bed, enjoying the double latte and brownie breakfast my husband had brought me, perusing the Wisconsin State Journal's Showcase section when, being a poet myself, I was arrested by the three sets of lyrics printed that day.

The first one, J-Lo's "I'm gonna be Alright" was soggy pap with forced rhymes like "because I love you I just tried to stay" rhyming with "get away." But {Badgergirl}, who compiles the lyrics, had arranged her choices in order of drama, it appeared. Next was Nelly's "Not in here," which starts off sounding like Dr. Seuss on illegal substances - rhyming "gracious, bodacious, flirtatious, and faces" in the first line and continuing in that silly vein until it gets to the inevitable blanked out place in the last two lines: "why you at the bar if you/ain't poppin' the bottles. What good is all the fame if/ you ain't f----- the models."

Now, unless that f-blank was for fraternizin'" I think that song just may be slightly offensive.
But {Badgergirl} was savin' the beast (yes, I meant it) for last with something by one Ja Rule called simply and elegantly "Down Ass Bitch." I reflected that there was only one word in the title that I could repeat to my mother without fear of a foamy mouthwash.

It starts out all philosophical - musing about how tempis does fugit, but cheers up right away by noting that the author has a woman who shows no fear of "tuck[ing] the toast in the escalade" - a sentiment oft thought but ne'er so well expressed.

From there, the images and metaphors build into a dizzying remoulade, echoing, I'm sure, the author's angst and confusion in a world in which one can be subjected to a "nigga showin' [him] shade," but content that his "down ass bitch" will "pop on" the shade-showin' "nigga," "with one on the hip, one in the holsta/niggas will toast you quick."

How concise! How pertinent for breakfast in bed on Mother's Day. So I offer you my latest lyrics in response:

To say that I was pleased / would not get at it, girl. / I didn' jiss dismiss it, and I didn' diss it / I took that f--in' paper / and I give it a good hurl.

Thanks to the review for her choices on behalf of all "toast-tuckin' mamas."

Editor's note: Each Sunday in Showcase the Wisconsin State Journal prints samples of lyrics from popular songs - even objectionable ones - so parents can know what their children are listening to.